I am going to motherfucking Japan.
For a YEAR.
I am feeling...
excited
mystified
glorious
legendary
terrified
fuckin' psyched
excited
mystified
glorious
legendary
terrified
fuckin' psyched
curious
exhilarated
worried
overwhelmed
horny
amused
ridiculous
scared
hesistant
busy as fuck
blissful
already exhausted (EAP paperwork and worry, much?)
unprepared
prepared
anxious
unsure
hopeful
overjoyed
doubtful
exhilarated
worried
overwhelmed
horny
amused
ridiculous
scared
hesistant
busy as fuck
blissful
already exhausted (EAP paperwork and worry, much?)
unprepared
prepared
anxious
unsure
hopeful
overjoyed
doubtful
passionate
tired
freaked out
happy
fearful
expectant
jealous
and
lucky.
A strange ambivalence has set over me sometimes because I am feeling all of these emotions. Luckily, a majority of the time they are positive, but sometimes fear, doubt, and insecurity set in... especially with the anxious inquiries and preparations my parents make every day. "How could you possibly find your way around the subway? There are so many lines!" "How are you going to take classes in Japanese?" "Where are you going to live?" "How are you going to survive?" "What if there is a natural disaster?" "What if you don't get enough psychology classes?" "How are you going to get a cell phone?" "You can't bring more than two suitcases, I won't let you!" "How will you live on your own?" "Are you sure you can speak Japanese well enough?"... The list goes ever on and on. I'm getting pretty sick of it. I understand that they are worried and concerned about me and my ability to survive and flourish on my own in a foreign country. This is definitely understandable. But their lack of confidence in my endeavors throughout my life has led me to perform to my own level, rather than to a level they expect from me. I will be fine. Not only fine, but I hope to be more than that. Genuinely happy? Able to discover and explore all of the aspects of Japan I am curious about and be in exploratory bliss? In a great and comfortable living situation? Surrounded by both international and Japanese friends who love being around me and love going out and having a great time? Able to become a singer in a band at either school, in Tokyo, or in mainstream Japanese popular culture? I guess I dream big. I'm not going to assume that's a problem yet, because I am still young, with much potential, and much to dream about.
I am expecting the impossible, yet at the same time I am second-guessing myself, my ability to integrate myself, my ability to take care of myself in Japan, my ability to accomplish everything I want to do there, my ability to make friends, my ability to pass classes in Japanese (and even in English, I've heard Keio is hard from some and easy from others), my ability to survive, my ability to do crazy shit and live my life pleasantly unhindered...
We will see.
I hope for the best.
I hope for the time of my life.
I hope I can write a book about my experiences or about japanese cultural psychology versus american cultural psychology.
I hope I can do great things and make an influence on the world and society as a whole.
I hope I can become a well-known, popular singer.
I hope I can have as much fun as I can.
I hope I can be happy and enjoy my life, the good and the bad.
There will be good things about Japan, and there will be bad things about Japan. I know that I will be able to find the good things in Japan and experience them, it's just how I will view my experiences (positive and negative) living in Japan that will shape my entire perspective of the country and my entire perspective on my own life in general. This is no small task.
Am I up to it?
I think I am.
Hell, I know I am. Everyone always tells me I'm crazy as hell anyway. I'm also ambitious and smart. I'm perfect for the role of myself.
Watch me go.
tired
freaked out
happy
fearful
expectant
jealous
and
lucky.
A strange ambivalence has set over me sometimes because I am feeling all of these emotions. Luckily, a majority of the time they are positive, but sometimes fear, doubt, and insecurity set in... especially with the anxious inquiries and preparations my parents make every day. "How could you possibly find your way around the subway? There are so many lines!" "How are you going to take classes in Japanese?" "Where are you going to live?" "How are you going to survive?" "What if there is a natural disaster?" "What if you don't get enough psychology classes?" "How are you going to get a cell phone?" "You can't bring more than two suitcases, I won't let you!" "How will you live on your own?" "Are you sure you can speak Japanese well enough?"... The list goes ever on and on. I'm getting pretty sick of it. I understand that they are worried and concerned about me and my ability to survive and flourish on my own in a foreign country. This is definitely understandable. But their lack of confidence in my endeavors throughout my life has led me to perform to my own level, rather than to a level they expect from me. I will be fine. Not only fine, but I hope to be more than that. Genuinely happy? Able to discover and explore all of the aspects of Japan I am curious about and be in exploratory bliss? In a great and comfortable living situation? Surrounded by both international and Japanese friends who love being around me and love going out and having a great time? Able to become a singer in a band at either school, in Tokyo, or in mainstream Japanese popular culture? I guess I dream big. I'm not going to assume that's a problem yet, because I am still young, with much potential, and much to dream about.
I am expecting the impossible, yet at the same time I am second-guessing myself, my ability to integrate myself, my ability to take care of myself in Japan, my ability to accomplish everything I want to do there, my ability to make friends, my ability to pass classes in Japanese (and even in English, I've heard Keio is hard from some and easy from others), my ability to survive, my ability to do crazy shit and live my life pleasantly unhindered...
We will see.
I hope for the best.
I hope for the time of my life.
I hope I can write a book about my experiences or about japanese cultural psychology versus american cultural psychology.
I hope I can do great things and make an influence on the world and society as a whole.
I hope I can become a well-known, popular singer.
I hope I can have as much fun as I can.
I hope I can be happy and enjoy my life, the good and the bad.
There will be good things about Japan, and there will be bad things about Japan. I know that I will be able to find the good things in Japan and experience them, it's just how I will view my experiences (positive and negative) living in Japan that will shape my entire perspective of the country and my entire perspective on my own life in general. This is no small task.
Am I up to it?
I think I am.
Hell, I know I am. Everyone always tells me I'm crazy as hell anyway. I'm also ambitious and smart. I'm perfect for the role of myself.
Watch me go.
