I love my composition journal. I've been searching for a hardcover one without lines for ages. I thought I wouldn't find one, let alone a cheap one, and then I just bought one at the UCEN last week and I found out it doesn't have lines! I got so excited.

Writing in a journal is so much better than blogging. I have so many weird personal thoughts I don't like to broadcast to the world. Even if nobody would even read my blog, there's still the potential. And my parents read my xanga in high school once or twice (at least I hope it was only once or twice) and confronted me about some depressing things I was writing about. It wasn't fun.

But then again, my mom also read my diary in middle school and confronted me about some depressing things I was also writing about there D: So I guess I can just never hide from my parents. Guh. But now that I'm at college, removed from their house, I feel like a personal journal is now SAFE.

I can write BIGGGGG on the pages. Or small if I want. And make thought bubbles. And pictures. And say whatever I want.

SO WONDERFUL!

I'm going to start a YOUTUBE CHANNEL!!!!! :) YAY!!!!

hahah I'm so inspired to do this.

First order of business: cover of Friday!

Library piece: Soundscape of the Library Computer Lab

Instrumental Sounds:

typing: varying in intensity as people become more and more involved in their studies/online research/not so noble online research
squeaking of chairs as people adjust
jingling of keys
coughing (faintly in the background) kind of slowly: one two three... pause... one two three.
or cough cough stop.
Clearing of throats, very faint.
shuffling of papers very occasionally.
sniffling (just once or twice, a little longer.)
setting pens on table
faint murmur of voices in the distance- constant faint hum
faint humming whir of the fans or electricity or computers or something.
occasional loud cell phone ring

Shiver

A face of pleasure
is only a way to measure
exactly the emotion
that resides in his head

But I know the way I'm feeling
and the way I'm reeling
like a sick lovesick fool
who wants to jump into your bed

I can't handle my emotion
when I'm around you
A shiver in my throat
I can't get it out
I can't speak
Words
escape
me

So my empty mouth meets yours
with words I cannot possibly
speak out loud
So passionate
they don't even exist
outside of my mind and my body

Imagining all the things
I could do to you
Imagining all the things
I could be for you
Imagining every little thing
sends a shiver down my neck
and makes it so I'm with you
even when I'm not

The ghost of your lust
keeps me company
in your absence
and kisses my neck
in a way that would make you
more than a little jealous

Imagining all the things
I could do to you
Imagining all the things
I could be for you
Imagining every little thing
sends a shiver down my neck
and makes it so I'm with you
even when I'm not

even when I'm really not

The ghost of your lust (or your love?)
keeps me company
in your absence
and kisses my neck
with a shiver that would make you
more than a little jealous

I can't handle my emotion
when I'm around you
A shiver in my throat
I can't get it out
I can't speak
Words
escape

me

So my empty mouth meets yours
with words I cannot possibly
speak
out
loud
So passionate
they don't even exist
they cannot
possibly
exist


©Melissa Nilles