A test of independence

So, I've had a rough couple days. For the last month, Japan has had its ups and downs so far (most of those usually ups or at least mehs). But on Friday, a stream of bad occurrences started that I have had to deal with all weekend. Some of it has been my error, other things have been out of my control, and other times it has just been dealing with being almost completely independent in a foreign country. Let me tell you about my current misfortune.

It all started Friday day, after class got out. Class was fine and we learned a lot, but I was anxious to get out of there just because I am getting tired of this damn japanese class.
I wanted to head to Shinjuku for my doctor's appointment, because it was at 3 oclock in Aoyama-Itchome and that was supposedly only like 10 minutes by subway from Shinjuku. I planned to do some shopping and hang around Shinjuku until about 2:15 and then head over.
My friend Laurel asked if she could come with me shopping so I was was like, okay sure cool, more fun.

We get there and Laurel wants to go to a bank, and exchange money. It takes so long that we don't even get any time to go shopping. I feel really hungry though so I need to take a pit stop at starbucks, and when I try to get up to leave for the doctor's Laurel's like "wait!! let me finish my food!" ughh. She's fun to hang out with, but I really needed to get going. I ended up making it to Aoyama-Itchome on schedule, but then I couldn't find the hospital because there were two buildings... and the first on my path wasn't the right one.

So I got into the hospital a bit late, which is superrrr taboo in Japan, but apparently it was fine, because there was absolutely no hiccup in the hospital's schedule for me. The hospital was incredibly efficient and nice and whatever, and the staff were all friendly, and the only time I really spent waiting there was because I didn't hear my number being called for my prescription, and they kept calling higher and higher numbers, and I was just like maybe mine is an exception... finally I went up and they were like, oh, we called your number like, a half hour ago... fail. Japanese is hard, man.

I'll describe the hospital more in detail later, but I just had a bad experience with the doctor because the purpose of my visit was overlooked. I wanted to be referred to physical therapy for my shoulder, because ever since my collarbone was broken, my shoulder has really hurt and always feels weirdly stuck... now my arm and my hand go numb every time I wear a backpack or purse on my right side. It sucks.

The doctor, who was Japanese (I had a translator who was very skilled) did not seem to think I needed physical therapy, even though I told him it had helped in the united states, and instead prescribed me 4 different medications, 2 of which seemed completely irrelevant to my case. Sigh.

I don't want to take pain killers.
I want the problem solved. Or at least treated.
I don't really want to take more pills. They always have had weird side effects for me. I have to go to a gynecologist too because of related side effects due to my old acne medication. I hate all of my fucking medical problems and issues. I just feel broken and old and terrible and lame and helpless. I want to be well.

I left the hospital, feeling rather weird and depressed. Glared at every guy who checked me out with a death stare. Got home in an extreme angry tither as my depression bounced off the walls in my head and multiplied tenfold. When I got home, I cried and threw stuff and then took a shower and cried some more. Woo.

A strange thing happened in the shower, though. All of these extremely angry depressive thoughts were running through my head, overwhelming me, until I was just standing there as a sobbing naked wreak. As I let these thoughts just run through over and over again, they started to branch out and sound more composed and more lyrical. This was strange.

Suddenly, I felt like singing my thoughts was the only way to get these terrible thoughts out of my head.
It felt so freaking amazing and therapeutic.
I felt like nothing I could do at that moment was any more important at making myself feel well again.

I jumped out of the shower, wrote down some of the thoughts I was thinking on some paper, kept singing, got all of my anger and frustration out, and felt much better. I actually came up with some really good stuff, and it made me feel so much more human.

I love singing. I need to do it more often. I really want to do it here! I'm going to try and make a demo tape so I can apply to this jazz club I know of as a singer. I dream of making it big, but who knows. I just hope I can get more involved. That's why I plan to join an 音楽 (music) circle at Keio.

I turned my frustration and rage at this constant feeling of feeling that my broken body is beyond repair into a song. And recorded it later. Haha. Maybe I'll post it here.

Anyway, I felt better after that, enough to feel up to going out... my friends and I had been planning all week to go to this famous nightclub called Ageha. I decided I was going to forget about what happened that day and be strong and deal with my problems on my own. I was going to be independent and secure.

We drank a bit before leaving, so I was already pretty good by the time we got on the bus to Ageha (it's a bit out of Tokyo, so they have a bus, otherwise no one would go). We got to the club, and everyone was all psyched... and then my friend Tony couldn't get in. He's 19. So am I. I was worried, but before we got there my friend had already thought about it and was like hey, whatever, take my id, we're both white.
Tony argues with the people, but they aren't having it. Even though his birthday is in four days. What douchebags. He even used his Chinese ID. We were worried then, that they were really scrutinizing these ids (most clubs either don't card or don't look closely at american ids). I was planning to go in anyway, but then Kathleen took her id back because she was afraid they'd realize it was hers, which was total bullshit since we were with a group of like 12 people... honestly? That was completely paranoid.

So I was SUPER pissed, and Tony and I went back, with this other group of foreign kids and their japanese friend, who happened to forget her id, so she couldn't get in, even though she was like 25 or something. Tony and I became friends with them on the bus, and decided to go to a club together in Shibuya, since that was where the bus was headed and it was definitely already after the time that the subway/trains closed. I was pretty drunk, since we had been drinking, and I definitely was having a good time. We were going to go to this club called Club Asia, which I hope to go to sometime (cause it looks cool), but we decided to go to this club that looked really cool with free drinks all night with the cover fee of 25 bucks. I got in free somehow, because I just kind of drunk wandered into the club past the bouncers while my friends were paying for their entrance. I'm still not sure how it happened.

The club was great, we had a lot of fun and they were playing loud american music, which was fun. It was almost exclusively Japanese people too, which was cool. They had some cute dancers up on stage and stuff. I wasn't going to drink anymore, because I certainly didn't need to, but somehow I ended getting a drink from Tony. The night is pretty fuzzy, but we danced with a lot of cute Asian people and learned some cool dance moves, and then I saw this guy that was soooo cute I just had to dance with him. So I somehow seduced him and we started dancing and whatever and he and i got ANOTHER drink (what the HELL, Melissa!) and then we were dancing more and making out and having fun and whatever. I'm pretty sure I blacked out at this point, because the next thing I remember is Tony pulling me out of the club and me puking all over the sidewalk (first time in my life X_X) and me going "where is my purse?" and Tony also being hella drunk and being like "I have no idea!!!" And he said we needed to leave for some reason and we both wanted to puke and go home and just die so he was just like we'll come back tomorrow or something so we took the train back and Tony threw up on the train and it was SO GROSS. I felt like shit and I could barely stand, and somehow we got back to Sugamo and I didn't have anything... no key, no wallet, no phone... Tony paid for the weekly mansion people to open up my room so I could sleep, and I passed out drunk as hell in my room...

To be continued in the next post!